


i wanna be yours

by lukewarmantidote



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged Up, Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Friends With Benefits to Lovers, Kind of Domestic, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Indulgent, They Drink and Smoke Weed, alcohol use, god they're so cute, please this is so canon, self indulgent fluff, so mild a white woman could eat it, this is real love baby, y'all aren't ready for this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29497125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukewarmantidote/pseuds/lukewarmantidote
Summary: in which kenma realizes that he has feelings for his best friend who is also coincidentally his weekend hookup
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 176





	i wanna be yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [casanovato on tiktok](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=casanovato+on+tiktok).



> okay okay okay. i saw this prompt on tiktok by casanovato and i absolutely had to. the real prompt is at the very end scene so if you want to skip all of the other mess and get straight to it, go right ahead. but a few things before we get this party started  
> 1\. i have never written nor published a fanfic in my entire life so please be lenient with me  
> 2\. i did read over this a few times to make some changes but this is not beta'd because we die like men  
> 3\. kenma does have a mild anxiety attack, so if you are uncomfortable with things like that or think it could be potentially triggering stop reading at "which was how he found himself sitting in an empty tub" and pick back up at "hey, do you remember that time in highschool. . ."  
> 4\. all drug and alcohol use is recreational and consensual as is their hookups  
> 5\. in my version they aren't having sex when they hookup, just a lot of making out and dry humping and sexual tension, but if it fills your heart to make them fuck go right ahead as they are aged up  
> 6\. i really hope i didn't disappoint, because i had a lot of fun writing this.  
> 7\. thank you to the 178 people who requested that i let them know when i finished this work, it gave me a lot of motivation
> 
> i think that's all! have fun and be safe!

They had done this before. So many times that Kenma had lost count. Warm bodies pressed together, singing a hymn in another language. A hymn in  _ their  _ language. It wasn’t gentle, always rough and begging. Craving, wanting more. And it was never fluid, it never had been. Just a demanding prayer, recited over and over and over again. A mantra seen only by the moon, by the streetlights, the stars. It was their rule, the only rule they’d ever had. 

_ You touch never in the daytime, never with care (as care condones feelings), only on the weekends, only in the night, only when you’re alone, and never under any circumstances do you speak of it. _

It had worked, for long enough. That was until they started breaking the rules.  _ The  _ rule, to be fair, as there was only one. 

“Kuro,” so gentle it was barely heard.

“Hm?” 

“You have a 9 am lecture, it’s three in the morning, we can’t do this now.” Kenma’s body betrayed his words, and he clung closer to Kuro’s long torso. A hand reached up to brush unruly hair out of place. 

(Please refer to rule one: section three to see why this is a problem)

“And why can’t we? Uni’s never stopped us before.” Kuro leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to Kenma’s lips, something unheard of. Kenma knew it was wrong, as care condones feelings, but he didn’t reject the advance. 

“That’s a lie and we both know it. Get up, you need to go home.” Kenma’s voice gained some form of sternity, as he reluctantly pulled away. He could’ve stayed there forever if he’d gotten the chance, but he knew he never would. 

The gentleness of Kuro’s touch that night scared him. It was foreign, confusing. They  _ never _ broke the rule. It’s not like it had been a planned meeting either, not like the others. Kuro had shown up, already drunk, barely making it through the door. 

“C’mon, Kenma, just a few more m-”

“No, you need to leave. Now, please.”

Kuro whined, but obliged nonetheless. He couldn’t tell if Kuro had been upset by his words, as his face never showed it.

Kenma drug his body from the warmth of the bed they’d shared, just minutes ago. 

“Wait, before you go.” He instructed and made his way to the kitchen. Kuro followed him like a puppy. He grabbed a glass and reached to the sink to fill it. Kuro’s sly hands came around his bare torso, and his lips to the shorter boy’s neck.

Kenma almost broke the glass.

“Fuck, Kuro, you’re going to make me drop something.” He (begrudgingly) swatted Kuro’s hands away so he could continue his glass filling in peace. 

Kenma shoved the drink into Kuro’s grasp and dropped two small white pills into his free palm. 

“It’ll help with the headache.” He murmured.

“Aw, look at my little Kenma, so sweet.” Kuro made mock kissing noises and leaned in, close to Kenma’s face. 

He thunked the larger one on the forehead and held back a smile at his unnecessary and large reaction. “Get feisty with me again and a headache is going to be the last of your problems.” Kenma pointed to the door, “Go”.

Kuro gave a dramatic eye roll and took the medicine, chugging the water in a rather unattractive way to wash the pills down. He gave the largest smile he could muster, and slipped out the door. 

It made Kenma nauseous. 

Four hours and twenty-six minutes of sleep Kenma had gotten that night. Not that he was counting, or anything. The majority of it was laying in his disheveled bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t remember when exactly it’d started. It was some night, a year or so ago, they’d gotten drunk off of cheap sake from the gas station. That had been the only night that they’d broken the rules, apart from now. Kuro had said something like,  _ “How mad would you be if I kissed you right now?”  _ and Kenma had said nothing. 

They had never talked about it, but since then it had been part of their routine. Every weekend, sometimes every other weekend if the mundane tasks of adult life got in the way, Kuro would come over with a cheap bottle of sake and they’d get drunk and kiss until they couldn’t breathe. Not once had they spoken of it, and not once would they ever. And they liked it that way. A secret only for them, a song only they could sing. 

\---

“Kenma, you’ve got to start taking care of our precious Kuro more. Look at him! He slept through half of this morning’s lecture! I’ve never seen him this slumped on the weekdays.” Lev paraded through campus, arm slung leisurely around Kuro. 

Kenma smacked Lev on the side of the head, which was followed with a high pitched  _ Ow! _

“He is a grown man and I’m  _ not _ his mother. If Kuro wants to get drunk on a school night, that’s his loss.” Kenma huffed out. He would’ve been lying if he said that he didn’t look equally as fucked as Kuro. He also would’ve been lying if he said that he wasn’t glad that he looked half-dead most days as well. It was nice on early mornings like this to have the excuse, “I always look like this, you twat,” to cover his tracks. 

The two shared a glance. 

_ I’ve got your back, but don’t think you don’t owe me one.  _

  
  


\---

“Kuro I am  _ not  _ doing this again. You need to go to your own place or find some pitiful victim to take you under their wing for the night, because I’m trying to sleep.” A very tired Kenma opened the door to a very drunk Kuro.

“Please, Ken, we don’t have to do anything tonight, just let me crash here. Just for tonight. It won’t happen again, I swear.”

(Please refer to rule one: section six to see why this is a problem)

“I hope that headache bites you in the ass in the morning.” Kenma bit out, but his words held no weight as he shut the door behind Kuro.

“What’s with you, anyway? This is the second time you’ve done this in what? Two weeks?” Kenma grabbed blankets and pillows from his room and set them up on the couch.

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry. It wasn't really...planned or anything. Look! We were all at Boktuo’s- me and Lev and Akaashi and Noya and Tanaka and Hinata and- look everyone, okay? And we were all just playing drinking games and stuff and then- then the cops started knocking on the door and we had to make a run for it and-”

“You’re full of shit.” Kenma said and Kuro laughed, full and whole-heartedly. It took everything in Kenma not to laugh with him.

“Okay, okay, that’s not what happened. But we  _ were  _ playing drinking games and things just got carried away and- and I didn’t want to sleep alone tonight.” 

Kenma didn’t know what to make of this confession so instead he just said, “So you got too fucked up with your harem of misfits and decided that I was the next best option?”

“No, Ken, you  _ know  _ you’re not the next best option. You’re never the next, just the best.” Kenma’s heart swelled.

“That made absolutely no sense. Plus, I was just messing with you, no need to get sappy.” He helped Kuro to the couch to avoid the breaking of any fragile inanimate objects only for Kuro to clumsily stand right back up. Kenma raised a brow.

He would say that he’d never seen Kuro drunkenly shimmy his way out of his pants, but he would have  _ really  _ been lying. He watched in amusement as Kuro struggled with the buttons and almost slipped and fell as he got an ankle stuck in the bottom of his pants leg. 

“You said-”   
  


“I know what I said, I just don’t like sleeping in jeans.” 

Kuro flopped down on the couch with as much grace as a newborn giraffe. He held his arms out. 

“Absolutely not.” Kenma said, a deadpan expression on his face. 

“Just- just lay with me?Just until I fall asleep and then you can move? Please?” Kuro pouted and Kenma knew he didn’t have the dignity to resist, even if he tried. 

“We could’ve just slept in my room, if I knew you were going to be like this.” Truth was, Kenma had known that Kuro would be like this. To some extent, at least. He’d half expected him to throw himself on Kenma the second he stepped in the door, to attack him with aggressive kisses and calloused hands. Grabbing any part of Kenma in his vicinity. 

That was always how it had happened when Kuro was drunk. That was always how it had happened before they had started to break the rules. 

Kenma situated himself on the couch with Kuro, wrapping his arms around him to avoid falling off the side. He pulled the soft blanket over their shoulders and pressed the side of his face into Kuro’s chest. He could feel the boy’s heartbeat. It was fast and loud, like most of their nights spent together. 

“Y’know, you look pretty like this. I mean, you’re always pretty, but I think I like you better like this. Not in a weird way.” Kenma thought Kuro had fallen asleep long ago. He surely hadn’t, as the uncomfortable position had sent his right arm to sleep and his lower back aching. Kenma let out a deep breath and peered up to Kuro who was looking down at him with drunk and glassy eyes. Kenma would’ve said it was with love, if it hadn’t been for the  _ drunk  _ part. 

Somewhere in him, he wished it  _ was _ out of love. That this wasn’t just another night where he had to take care of his drunk best friend. Where a sober Kenma could kiss a sober Kuro until the sun came up. Where the only thing they had to worry about was each other. Maybe he wanted to wake up with Kuro in the mornings, make him breakfast and watch a stupid reality tv show. Maybe he wanted to come home to Kuro stretched out and asleep on his bed,  _ their bed,  _ so he could crawl into the warmth and get one full night of uninterrupted sleep. Or shower with him, nothing sexual, just an intimate moment where Kenma could bask in the feeling of his hands tangled in Kuro’s hair. So what? That couldn’t be so wrong, right? To want the intimacy that Kuro had shared with his previous boyfriends. 

(Please refer to rule one: section two to see why this is a problem)

“Shut up.” Kenma glared, though he hoped that Kuro would  _ never _ shut up. 

\---

It had been roughly a month before their next meeting. Not for any particular reason other than the fact that university was rough, and volleyball season had picked up again. And because the last time they’d seen each other, more rules had been broken, and said broken rules led to thoughts that Kenma couldn’t control.

Kenma had distanced himself from Kuro for a while. Kuro had come to his door a few days in that month, asking to be let in. Sometimes he was drunk, sometimes he wasn’t. Kenma had denied his request every time. It usually ended in some sort of bicker, some sort of  _ You’re a damn adult, Kuro, I’m tired of babying you. Go home.  _ And then another sort of  _ Fine! If that’s what you want, fine.  _

And Kenma had been okay with it (or so he’d been telling himself) until he realized that he missed Kuro much more than he thought he did. He missed calloused fingers making their way up his shirt, running up his jaw, and into his hair. He missed the sly smirk, the cocky tilt of Kuro’s head when Kenma slipped out a quiet  _ fuck  _ or  _ please, Kuro, right there.  _ But more than anything, he just missed Kuro. 

So when Kuro came to the door, a bottle of sake in hand, he found his way in with ease. They sat on the floor together and drank much more than either of them could handle. That being one bottle of sake split between the two of them. 

“Kuro, c’mon, stop teasing.” Kenma sat in his lap, face cupped between his hands. Kuro leaned in, just close enough to kiss him before he pulled away again. 

“Good things come to those who wait.” Kuro slurred, a cat-like grin spread across his face. Kenma wanted to slap it off of him, but he kissed him instead. A nimble hand gripped at the hair placed just on the nape of Kuro’s neck, the other roughly splayed against his sharp jaw. Kenma pressed their lips together with as much force as he could muster, all of his pent up want and desire flaring into Kuro’s mouth. 

Kuro reciprocated the kiss with just as much passion, teeth clashing, tongues colliding. His hands ran up the Kenma’s sides, pulling their bodies flush together in a swift and fluid motion. Kenma only felt alive like this. He only ever felt alive like this. When he was  _ wanted.  _

They let out shaky breaths, only parting to gasp for a quick breath of air. The hymn of their voices coursed through the air, bouncing and reverberating off of the walls.  _ Their language _ .

Kenma wanted all of Japan to hear. He wanted all of the world to see the way he made Kuro unfold below him. He wanted all of them to know that he was the only one, and that he’d always be the only one who could ever make Kuro unravel in this way. He was the only one who could make Kuro’s body jolt with just a touch. 

He wanted Japan to know that all of Kuro was his, and he was all of Kuro’s. 

Kuro’s lips gingerly found their way to Kenma’s neck. He kissed along the fair skin gently at first, but his touch got rougher with gained confidence. He was biting and sucking at all of the open skin he could find. Kenma knew it would leave a mark. And on any other day, he would’ve cared, but he was drunk off of sake and Kuro’s grasp, so he found that he would have time to care about it in the morning. 

And Kenma thought, thoroughly for the first time since all of this mess had started,  _ I wanna be yours.  _

\---

How Kenma had gotten here, he couldn’t say. Somewhere in Bokuto’s apartment, with too much alcohol and much more convincing, he found himself agreeing to go to some stupid party. The other boys did this on the weekends, and they’d always invited him, but every time Kenma had said  _ no, you know that’s just not my scene _ and they’d left it alone. So he didn’t know what made him agree to it this time. Probably a mixture of Kuro’s sharp glances and loose smiles. Or maybe the idea that Kuro might find someone else that night to sing a hymn with. Either way, he agreed. 

Which was how he found himself sitting in an empty tub, knees to his chest, and hands over his ears. He had lost sight of Kuro at some point, which sent him into a panic to find him. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to pay for any broken items, but that was a lie. 

With the drunk people slinging foreign arms over his shoulders, dragging him to play beer pong because he didn’t have the heart to turn them down, his breathing started to get shaky. His hands clammed up, and his vision got spotty. So he excused himself to the bathroom. 

Kuro had always been his stabilizer in crowds, always been the one that Kenma would look to when he found his breaths picking up and his hands shaking. Kuro always knew his limits, and when he ever got overstimulated by his surroundings, Kuro would take him some place quiet and dark and just talk to him. About anything, really. His day, what he had to eat, a stupid thing that Lev did in organic chem. And it always worked. Kuro always found the right balance of words and silence to pull Kenma out of his head. 

Kenma tried to focus on his breathing, tried to calm his shaking, but it failed. The noise from the party outside the door rang so loud in his ears he couldn’t focus on anything, really. That was until he heard  _ Kenma?  _ And his heart restarted in his chest like a car battery. 

He heard the door open slowly and he peered through his knees, making out the figure of Kuro’s body up to his hips. 

The door closed and soft footsteps approached where he sat. He didn’t say anything as Kuro stumbled into the tub with him. 

“Are you okay?” The voice was so soft Kenma would’ve melted right then and there if he wasn’t in the middle of siking himself out. Kenma shook his head  _ no, I’m not. _

Rough, large hands made their way to his knees, and then ran slowly up to Kenma’s own. 

(Please refer loosely to rule one: sections two and four to see why this is a problem)

Kuro played with his fingers, before gently taking the smaller one’s hands from his ears. He ran his fingers up and down Kenma’s arms, against his wrists, over his palms, drawing light shapes against the skin. 

“What happened?” Kenma could tell that Kuro was trying to be quiet, as he tended to get loud and boisterous when he was drunk. He silently thanked him for the consideration.

“I- I couldn’t find you. And there were people touching me and the music was too loud and- I don’t know. I freaked out.” Kenma admitted and drew his head up to look at Kuro. He couldn’t make out the look on his face, it was part concern, part pity, part something else. People always assumed that it was Kuro who couldn’t read Kenma, but it was actually the other way around. 

“Hey, do you remember that time in highschool when we were running and you and Lev started slacking back? And I was worried to death because I thought someone had kidnapped you so I made everyone else turn around to go back and look for you. And turns out you two were saving a cat from a tree. And your noses were all bloody and your cheeks were scratched up?” Kuro moved his hands to stroke Kenma’s cheek where the scratches had been years ago.

“Yeah, I do.” Kenma murmured and leaned into Kuro’s touch. “Lev scared that damn cat away. I was going to take it home with me.”

Kuro laughed at that and pressed his forehead to Kenma’s. Kenma became hyper aware of the warm breath on his face.  _ Can I kiss you? _

“That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about you, y’know. That you care for everyone and everything, even if you don’t like to show it.” Kuro’s hands came up and ran themselves through Kenma’s hair. Kenma let out a shudder. 

Before either of them really knew what was going on, their lips met in a gentle and slow rhythm. The product of the two of them leaning in at the same time, and meeting halfway. It wasn’t filled with need or passion, just with a soft want. As Kuro’s hands pulled Kenma closer, Kenma found his way between Kuro’s legs. And again before either of them knew what was going on, Kuro was falling back into the tub. His head hit the porcelain so loud that Kenma was afraid they’d cracked it. He expected Kuro to let out a loud and unforgiving line of  _ fuck  _ or  _ ow!  _ But instead he just laughed against Kenma’s lips as he pulled him in closer and closer. 

_ Maybe, I just wanna be yours. _

\---

Kenma didn’t smoke. 

Okay, that was a lie. He did, sometimes, but only with Kuro. So when Kuro came knocking at his door with a bottle of sake in one hand, and a duffle bag in the other he was  _ highly  _ concerned.

“You know you have to ask before you have a sleepover with someone else, right?” Kenma said and closed the door behind Kuro. Kuro didn’t say anything as he pulled out a small bag of weed and two packs of White Owls. 

“These are Bokuto’s favorite,” He said as he held up the packs of rillos. “Wonder why.” He joked and threw them down on the table.

“If you think I’m smoking in my apartment, you are seriously mistaken.” Kenma glared. 

Kuro was not seriously mistaken, however, as they ended up on Kenma’s floor, passing a blunt back and forth. Kenma watched intently as Kuro took in a deep inhale of smoke, slowly letting it roll out of his mouth. Kenma moved in and caught the smoke between his lips, taking in the bitter taste of the drug. Kuro grinned as he inhaled again, this time pressing his lips to Kenma’s as he transferred the smoke from his mouth to the other. 

Kenma grabbed Kuro’s face greedily from his lap. He draped his arms around Kuro’s broad shoulders and pressed his hips into the boy underneath him. Kuro let out a soft whine at the friction, and pulled Kenma as close to him as possible.

“Hey,” He muttered into the kiss, their lips barely breaking apart. 

“Hm?” Kenma responded as he felt himself be lifted off of Kuro and placed back onto the hard flooring. He huffed at the sudden loss of contact. 

“Hold on.” Kuro said and made his way to the record player that sat beside the tv. Kenma watched as he shuffled through the records before finding one he deemed fit. Kuro placed it into the player and rested the needle atop it. 

_ I wanna be your vacuum cleaner, breathing in your dust _

Kenma’s heart braced as Kuro walked back over and pulled him from the floor.

“Dance with me.” He said and laced one hand into Kenma’s, the other resting on his hip. 

_ I wanna be your Ford Cortina, I’ll never rust _

Their steps were slow at first, a little clumsy and out of rhythm. But as one body found the other, they started to dance. Full and free.

Kuro’s lips found Kenma’s neck.  _ “Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought.”  _

Kuro slurred out the words, the vibrato of his voice lifting every hair on his neck.

_ “Maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours.” _

Kenma thought he had died, right there. Kuro was the only thing keeping his body upright.

As Kuro splayed wet kisses down Kenma’s neck, he continued to sing the lyrics. 

_ “I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours.” _

Kenma tangled his hands into Kuro’s hair, pulling his head up so that their eyes met. And he knew that everything had fallen into place, as they spun around, kicking a half-drank bottle of sake to roll across the floor. 

All of the passion they’d felt, all of the need, it was painted across the walls in this devotion. The language only they could speak, a hymn only they could recite. 

“ _ I just wanna be yours, I just wanna be yours.” _

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i delivered what i promised. this was v fun so i think i might start writing more when i get some free time. 
> 
> edit: i made a twitter so i can interact with people more and not get clowned by my irl friends. go follow me if u like sexy bitches @kenmaseason


End file.
